The Tomb by Darragh

James was sitting on a bus. He was going on a tour to Egypt. Suddenly the bus stopped. He got off the bus. Right in front of him was a giant hill of sand. He went up the hill. He was struggling to climb on his hands but then suddenly he felt metal. He dusted off the sand and found a hatch. He opened it and he couldn’t see anything. He grabbed a lighter from his pocket and crawled in. It felt like he was crawling for ever. Then suddenly he saw light. He kept on crawling. When he got there he saw a gold coffin he opened it but it was empty. ‘What surprised,’he said.

One thought on “The Tomb by Darragh”

  1. Darragh,
    I like how your writing pulled me into the story step by step. You slowed down time and made the moment of the big reveal so important—and that is why the surprise was so authentic. What a let down. I hope the Egyptian adventure continues. Maybe someday the narrator will find something else mysterious and exciting.
    Keep writing.
    Mrs. G., Hub Buddy Teacher and Team 100, Guilderland, NY, USA

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