A Weird Day by Aaron

One day I was playing football and we saw a blue light in the sky. we saw the moon get smaller and we were all suprised the moon was gone then we told our mam and dad.I said it reminds me of a time when we watched a movie about an alien invasion. But the blue light got closer and lazers started hitting the ground. Every one ran then the army came and they were battling for years the war finally ended and the army won they got all there electronics and there were new iPads laptops ps6.

2 thoughts on “A Weird Day by Aaron”

  1. Hi Aaron,
    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a sentence – ‘it reminded me of a time when.’ Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in a domestic setting turned mystery, a strange discovery while playing football. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a domestic setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of football is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as most people have experienced playing or watching football in some capacity at some point in their lives. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have also enjoyed football, relishing the opportunity to get outside and enjoy the great outdoors during exercise with friends and team mates. I also love watching it on TV – whether at club level or for country, so this piece was very enjoyable for me to read! By explaining clearly the atmosphere, that everyone was surprised at the sighting, you engage with the reader and add to the setting. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how the light shining down was a blue light demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The piece continues to develop, as the character describes the moon getting smaller and smaller in size. This surprises and shocks the reader as to the turn of pace in the piece. The character telling their parents what they have seen is a very believable response, as I remember having done the same if something confused me in the past. The use of the prompt in remembering back to alien films is really relevant as it so accurately describes the setting. With the piece feeling supernatural, the lasers and lights hitting the ground create an atmosphere of shear shock. The ending of the takeover seems like a dark ending, put the improved technology is always a plus! Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of full stops. Keep up the good work!

  2. Aaron, I like how you started with an ordinary day description. Bad things always seem to happen with the start of an ordinary day. I liked the way you summarised the action without going into lots of detail of war and fighting. I think everyone would be very happy with your happy ending!

    Mrs A ( Team100WC) USA

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