100 w/c Nathan

It was a month since dad crashed the car and to save money he tried to repair it. He said the basement door is locked. I got the gist he did not want me there, but I had to see what was inside. I snuck upstairs and saw the door key. I snuck down stairs DAMN IT! It was jammed. I wiggled it open. Yes! it opened. As the door crept open I saw a big square ugly… No it was a box. I saw a note. It said ‘look out.’ I ran out and AAArgh! it was dad scaring me, again.

3 thoughts on “100 w/c Nathan”

  1. Kia ora from New Zealand Nathan.
    I do like stories which use a range of punctuation tools such as ellipsis… capital letters and exclamation marks. Thanks for including those in this piece, which I enjoyed reading.
    I wonder if you had made new paragraphs with some of your sentences, perhaps at ‘I snuck upstairs…’ and maybe at ‘As the door crept open…’
    This may be something for you to work on in the future to help your writing be even better for your audience.
    If you get a chance, come along to our class blog at: https://rakau19.edublogs.org/
    Ms M #100WC

  2. That was so good and funny! The first sentence should be split into 2 sentences where it says money and he.i don’t think you should use damn. What’s gist? That was good!

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