100 w/c – Lena

On Halloween night me and my friends went trick or treating. While we were trick or treating we heard a weird noise. We turned around to see what it was  but we didn’t see anything. We continued trick or treating . We heard the noise again.

“Let’s go look for something that could have made that noise,”  said my friend. When we were looking for something we saw a big, old drainpipe. We heard the weird noise coming out of the drainpipe.

“It might be a spider ?”said one of my friends. As it came down the drainpipe we got really scared. The spider was big, purple and it had black dots. Me and my friends ran home after seeing it.

2 thoughts on “100 w/c – Lena”

  1. Hi Lena,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention a drainpipe until the end of the piece, you craft a really intricate and developed story of Halloween night that fits in with the mysterious nature of the prompt, and making it even more terrifying by using the prompt to good effect. You introduce a story about trick or treating with friends. By doing so allows for a slid structure which gives the piece a good flow. This makes the piece interesting and suspenseful right from the start. This is a very common theme for most people as most would have experienced it in real life, most people have been trick or treating. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. This is really unique and incredibly well crafted. I can relate to this as I too remember the excitement and suspense of Halloween night. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. By using the sewer as a place of refuge, you create a really believable setting, such as the ‘weird noise.’ This puts the reader in the front of the action, and this really makes you focus on the piece. While going to investigate what the sound came from is understandable, it also has makes the reader hope that the characters wont go in fright! This really makes the reader invest in the characters. This all comes shattering however when the noise is big scary spider, with everyone running off after seeing it. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of exclamation and question marks. Keep up the good work!

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